Office hours

[sith_happened]

Anakin's desk was covered in electronics as he spun a tiny screwdriver between his fingers and consulted his schematics again.

It was easier to keep his mind off of unpleasant thoughts when his hands were busy.

The door was open.

[OOC: What Anakin and Molly talked about NFB, please.]

Comments

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly walked in a flopped into a chair. "How's teaching going?"

[sith_happened]

"Pretty well," Anakin replied. "Last class didn't upset you, did it?"

He'd been beating himself up for it most of the week.

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly shook her head. "Not real bad," she said. "It's all stuff I've thought about before. I've just never put it into words before, y'know? It felt good to talk about it."

[sith_happened]

"Sometimes talking helps," he agreed. He fiddled with a few pieces of metal, putting them together correctly without really thinking about it. "Sometimes it doesn't."

Force, he didn't want to tell her.

"I'm glad it worked for you this time."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly gave Anakin a bright smile. "It helped that it was you asking the questions. I probably wouldn't have talked about it as much if it had been Vader."

[sith_happened]

Anakin chewed his lower lip and looked away. Then he visibly steeled himself, reached into the Force and closed the door.

"About Vader," he began quietly, then cut himself off and tried again. "Rory told me she was the one who had to break my death to you, and you didn't believe her. You weren't wrong."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"Obviously," Molly said with a chuckle. "I mean, everybody dies eventually. Luke never said how old you are when you die. What sense was there in getting so upset about you dying after a long life?"

[sith_happened]

Anakin picked up something else to toy with, mostly to avoid meeting Molly's eyes.

"That's not exactly right either," he said. "I was 23 when Luke was born." He shook his head. "But I wasn't there for it. Or when his mother died."

Anakin bit his lip hard. "I wasn't dead, but I was pretty close. I was being operated on, then put into a black suit and a respirator and a helmet."

He glanced up at Molly, eyes full of pain, and waited for her to make the connection.

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly was a pretty intuitive girl. People were often surprised at what she really knew when they tried to keep her ignorant.

When something was flat out spelled out for her? Yeah, not so much.

"Really?" she said.

[sith_happened]

"I was Darth Vader, Molly."

There. And just as hard to say as he thought it would be.

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

The hairs stood up on Molly's arms and she fought the automatic urge to cringe away. For a long moment she just stared at him, the denial crying out in her mind not letting her even think past his words. It could not be true.

Finally, she gave a short laugh. "Very funny, Anakin. You need to wait for April first to play April Fool's Day jokes."

[sith_happened]

"I wouldn't joke about that," Anakin said quietly.

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"But, Anakin, Vader destroyed an entire planet!" Molly protested. "You could never do anything like that."

[sith_happened]

"I did," he told his desk. "I turned to the dark side and became my galaxy's worst nightmare."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"Why?" she asked quietly, desperate to understand.

[sith_happened]

"I was trying to save my wife," Anakin said softly, still focused on anything but Molly's face. "It didn't work. The question I asked early in the semester about how far over the line you'd go wasn't hypothetical for me."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"And destroying a planet was the only way to save her?" Molly asked, still quiet.

[sith_happened]

Anakin chewed his lip, then told the truth.

"No. Alderaan--that was the name of the planet--came eighteen years later. I turned to the dark side because someone I trusted told me that it was the only way to save my wife. He lied, but by the time I realized that I'd already fallen so far there didn't seem to be a point in getting back up again."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly just watched Anakin for a long time, trying to decide how she felt about this news. On the one hand, this was Anakin; on the other, Darth Vader had done some terrible things.

"Look at me, Anakin," she said gently.

[sith_happened]

Anakin finally met her eyes, all of the guilt that was eating at him more than obvious in his expression.

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly just looked at him for a long time. This was Anakin.

"Do you regret what you did as Vader?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, but she kept eye contact with him.

[sith_happened]

"Every second of it," he told her.

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly believed him. Some people might say she was stupid to do so, but she did.

"What made you change your mind? Why did you stop being Vader?"

[sith_happened]

"I came back here," Anakin said. "I'd spent a lot of energy trying to forget this place and the people I knew here. You...reminded me of what it was like to be happy. In the end, Luke brought me back." Anakin's eyes were haunted. "I couldn't just stand there and watch him be killed right in front of me. It was too much. So I stopped it from happening." He waved his hands down at himself. "Thus necessitating the new body."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"How did you get the new body?" Molly asked curiously.