Office hours

[sith_happened]

Anakin's desk was covered in electronics as he spun a tiny screwdriver between his fingers and consulted his schematics again.

It was easier to keep his mind off of unpleasant thoughts when his hands were busy.

The door was open.

[OOC: What Anakin and Molly talked about NFB, please.]

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[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"Why?" she asked quietly, desperate to understand.

[sith_happened]

"I was trying to save my wife," Anakin said softly, still focused on anything but Molly's face. "It didn't work. The question I asked early in the semester about how far over the line you'd go wasn't hypothetical for me."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"And destroying a planet was the only way to save her?" Molly asked, still quiet.

[sith_happened]

Anakin chewed his lip, then told the truth.

"No. Alderaan--that was the name of the planet--came eighteen years later. I turned to the dark side because someone I trusted told me that it was the only way to save my wife. He lied, but by the time I realized that I'd already fallen so far there didn't seem to be a point in getting back up again."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly just watched Anakin for a long time, trying to decide how she felt about this news. On the one hand, this was Anakin; on the other, Darth Vader had done some terrible things.

"Look at me, Anakin," she said gently.

[sith_happened]

Anakin finally met her eyes, all of the guilt that was eating at him more than obvious in his expression.

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly just looked at him for a long time. This was Anakin.

"Do you regret what you did as Vader?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, but she kept eye contact with him.

[sith_happened]

"Every second of it," he told her.

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly believed him. Some people might say she was stupid to do so, but she did.

"What made you change your mind? Why did you stop being Vader?"

[sith_happened]

"I came back here," Anakin said. "I'd spent a lot of energy trying to forget this place and the people I knew here. You...reminded me of what it was like to be happy. In the end, Luke brought me back." Anakin's eyes were haunted. "I couldn't just stand there and watch him be killed right in front of me. It was too much. So I stopped it from happening." He waved his hands down at himself. "Thus necessitating the new body."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"How did you get the new body?" Molly asked curiously.

[sith_happened]

Anakin fiddled with the parts in his hand again. "The Emperor was incredibly cruel," he said finally. "The accident that put me into the suit originally...he wasn't sure I would survive the procedure. So he made clones." He waved his hand out in front of his eyes. "This is the last one left."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly tilted her head. "So you knew that you could just..." the only word that came to mind was the one Trona had used to describe what happened to D'anna, "...download into this body when you saved Luke?"

[sith_happened]

"Not necessarily," Anakin said, shaking his head. "The Emperor hadn't exactly been forthcoming on how he swapped between bodies." He shrugged. "My last thought was wishing I'd have a chance to make all of this right." He stared down at his hands. "I'm guessing this body was the Force's way of making sure I did it."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"When you saved Luke then, you didn't know that you would live?"

[sith_happened]

Anakin shook his head again. "It seemed like an acceptable price to pay--my life for his."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly lips firmed. He was sorry for what he had done. She believed that.

"What if someone else you love is threatened?" she asked. "Would you go to the dark side again to save them?"

[sith_happened]

"It doesn't work," Anakin said, which didn't really answer the question.

Mostly because he hadn't figured that out for himself yet. It was the tiny wellspring of fear he still had left.

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"What doesn't work?" Molly asked. "What would you do?"

[sith_happened]

"Turning to the dark side wouldn't stop anyone from dying," Anakin said. "I've learned that lesson."

Which was not entirely the lesson he needed to learn.

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly sighed and stood up to walk around the desk. She put a hand on Anakin's shoulder.

"I believe that you are sorry," she said. "Luke has obviously forgiven you since he brought you back here."

She sighed again and moved her hand up to his cheek, running her thumb along the bottom of his scar. "It is probably going to take me a while to really accept that you were Vader, but you, Anakin, are my friend. You will always be my friend." She gave him a small smile. "You should know though, I will do everything in my power to stop you if you ever go to the dark side again."

[sith_happened]

Anakin closed his eyes quickly to stop the sudden rush of tears.

No one had touched his face in decades.

He took a deep breath and composed himself, then opened his eyes again.

"Thank you," he said. "For both parts." He looked down at his hands. "I certainly hope I've learned something."

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

Molly narrowed her eyes and frowned a little. "None of this would have happened if you hadn't left here in the first place," she pointed out, teasing to try to lighten the mood.

[sith_happened]

Anakin gave her a small smile, grateful for the attempt.

"But then there wouldn't be Luke," he said.

[bruiser-in-pink.livejournal.com]

"Hmm, true," Molly admitted. "Probably best not to think about it," she added with a shrug. "We're all here now and that is what is important."

She hugged him tight.