Office hours [all day]

[sith_happened]

Anakin was in his office as usual today, glaring angrily at the Christmas themed ads as they popped up on his computer screen.

"Can't I get through Thanksgiving first?" he complained aloud.

The door was open.

Comments

[sith_happened]

"Jaenelle," Anakin said, nodding again. "Do you have any idea why she waited so long to unleash hell like that?"

[furnaceface]

//I don't know,// Jonothon admitted, his voice taking on a faraway sort of tone, after a moment. //I wasn't near her when she did, I don't really know her at all. If I had my guess, I'd say she'd reached a breaking point of some sort, but I can't be sure.//

Possibly because he'd been trying like hell to not think about it too hard. It had almost kind of been working, even.

//Considering what we saw in Agio, if it was a matter of breaking points, I'm amazed it took her that long to reach.//

[sith_happened]

"The Jhinka sound charming," Anakin agreed dryly. "So Karla inadvertently pulled you all into a trap?"

[furnaceface]

//Mm. Not one set for us, obviously. Nobody really had no way of knowing that we were going to show up. But a trap all th'same.//

Jono was thrilled about that. Truly.

//You've been speaking with other people who were there? How are they holding up?//

[sith_happened]

"To varying degrees," Anakin said. "No one was prepared to see what Jaenelle did."

[furnaceface]

//No,// Jonothon agreed, looking down at his knees. //They most certainly weren't.//

There was that twisting again, that would have been an urge to vomit of only he was able to. As it stood, it was mostly just a flickering of the fire inside of him. Something restless that he bit back, like he always did.

//I left there as soon as I could,// he admitted. //I wonder if I shouldn't have. Most people seem to have opted to stay longer.//

[sith_happened]

"I don't think it was probably out of any urge to be there," Anakin replied. "It was more like those people you see on holovids who have experienced natural disasters--they kind of sit where you put them."

[furnaceface]

There was logic that Jono really couldn't argue against, right there.

//Which is why I wonder if I should have stayed. T'make certain people were... okay. Relatively. Comparatively. Or... something.//

Not that he was particularly alright, really, but being distraught was something not unlike Jonothon's usual state of being, and so that apparently gave him some sort of upper hand when it came to just powering his way through things.

Which would serve him well right up to that inevitable breakdown, sooner or later.

[sith_happened]

"Are you all right?" Anakin asked quietly.

[furnaceface]

//I'm doing as well as I ever am,// Jonothon answered. //It hasn't been an easy past little while, but... Life goes on.//

So, no.

[sith_happened]

"So no," Anakin surmised. "It's okay to admit it."

[furnaceface]

Jonothon shifted his weight in his seat uneasily, shaking his head. He wasn't about to look up, now. Not even a little.

//If I admit it, then I have to face it.//

Which was about as close to admitting it as he was going to get.

[sith_happened]

"And what would happen then?" Anakin asked.

[furnaceface]

//Then...?// His shoulders lifted a little. //I just can't.//

He had enough trouble just facing himself in the mirror in the mornings. Facing himself and everything that was gnawing away at him combined, and he'd probably just wreck.

//Things break. And they seem to have an unfortunate habit of breaking more when I'm around them. So I...// Jono winced a bit. //... should just find out what homework I've missed, perhaps. If there was any.//

[sith_happened]

Anakin looked regretful. "If you change your mind, my door's always open for you," he said. "I have a bit of experience in putting thing back together."

He tapped his fingers on his desk. "Class was about wrath, which it seems you had an up-close experience with on your own."

[furnaceface]

Jonothon took that offer, and he filed it away. Maybe he would take Anakin up on it, sometime. If nothing else, it was nice to know that the offer was there at all.

//I'd hardly call that experience an approved extracurricular alternative to yer lesson, but I suppose you could say that, yes.// He bunched up his shoulders a little more, and then finally just gave his head a shake and melted back into the seat. He was trying to focus on the nice, safe Ethics class, and his mind was swimming everywhere but. //Were there... any important points that I missed, then...?//

[sith_happened]

Anakin wasn't inclined to let Jono have the easy way out. "What did you learn about wrath?" he asked instead.

[furnaceface]

//That it's bloody terrifying,// Jonothon said, almost immediately, managing a tone that was approaching dry. It wasn't a tone that stuck, really, as his thoughts slipped to him sitting outside, picking off Jhinka by the dozen, attacking their minds with his own. Pushing too hard. Emma screaming at him...

//... And that it's all too easy to lose yerself to it. Especially when wrath comes hand-in-hand with power.//

[sith_happened]

Anakin nodded. "It's an important lesson to learn. The more important part, though, is learning how to pull back." His eyes focused on Jono. "How'd you do there?"

[furnaceface]

//After being shaken rigorously by th'shoulders, I pulled back,// Jonothon replied, a little hollowly.

[sith_happened]

Anakin's jaw clenched. "By who?" he asked, keeping his voice even. The more he was hearing about the trip to Kaeleer, the less he liked it.

[furnaceface]

//Miss Fro-- Emma shook me out of it, Professor. I put myself there.// Well, so much for not talking. Jonothon squared his shoulders a little, furrowed his eyebrow, and tried to at least talk straight, if he was going to speak at all. //We were inside th'shield, which wasn't going to hold for much longer, and inside was all... pain and fear. Too bloody much of it, so I... I went outside, and, if we were going to all die anyway, I thought maybe at least I could take some of those bastards with me.//

He buried his hands deep into his pockets, and that straight posture that he'd taken on melted into a slouch fairly quickly. //And then, after a bit, I wasn't thinking much of anything at all.//

[sith_happened]

"It's an easy mistake to make," Anakin said quietly, "especially when you don't think there's anything left to lose."

[furnaceface]

//It's still not a mistake I'd like to make a habit of making,// Jonothon replied, quietly. //Losing my head doesn't help anybody. I know that. People get hurt.//

He knew that one, too. Experience was a pretty terrible thing, sometimes.

[sith_happened]

"And you get hurt, too, remembering it," Anakin added, and that was the voice of experience talking. "Guilt and regret get heavy."