Anakin Skywalker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sith_happened) wrote2007-04-11 11:04 pm
sith_happened) wrote2007-04-11 11:04 pm
Anakin's room [way, way late at night]
He laid down on the bed, closed his eyes, and imagined himself into the Preserve. He pictured himself surrounded by trees as the summer breeze ruffled his hair and tugged at his robe. He was a galaxy away from the remains of the Temple and its memories.
There is no passion, there is serenity…
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge…
He breathed in and out, stretching into the all-encompassing, all-powerful, all-forgiving Force and tried to remember what it had been like to be calm.
Snatches of old conversations, flashes of nightmarish memories…he pushed them all aside. Obi-Wan at his most schoolmarmish echoed in his head, “Wallowing does no good, Anakin. Learn from it, then let go.”
It was a lesson he still hadn’t managed to figure out decades later.
There is no emotion, there is peace…
There is no death, there is the Force…
Fighting back the fear, Anakin reached out towards the pulsing hive of emotions that made up the lives of those in Fandom, pausing momentarily to check in on a few people. He focused on his breathing, on the image of the Preserve, and finally dropped off into a restless sleep.
That was a mistake.
He was back in the Temple, the footsteps of Vader's Fist echoing behind him in perfect cloned rhythm as he stalked towards the Archives. The lightsaber in his hand sliced down anyone who dared to cross his path as he ignored their shouts of fear and betrayal…
On the bed, Anakin whimpered and thrashed under the sheets. He knew what was coming next.
...and then he was in the shadows of the Council chamber and Liam was asking him what the younglings were supposed to do. His lightsaber struck the Padawan down—and then all of the others—like so many pawns on a board.
But they weren't pawns.
They were younglings.
He had committed an unspeakable atrocity.
And was only warming up.
Anakin moaned aloud and turned over.
He was on Mustafar doing his best to kill Obi-Wan…he was on a Star Destroyer with his face hidden, mechanical breath harsh in his ears…he was holding his daughter by the shoulder as her world literally blew apart…he was on Toprawa ordering the extermination of everything resembling civilization…he was holding out his hand as Padmé struggled vainly to breathe…he was watching the mask come down over his face, enclosing him, claustrophobically and forever, behind metal.
And then it wasn't just memories plaguing him.
Luke's face was hard as he held the glowing green blade up to Anakin's neck. "Fulfill your destiny," the Emperor hissed, and Luke nodded and swung the lightsaber…and then Anakin was standing in front of the tree he had carved a lifetime ago as Rory stalked away from him, snapping over her shoulder, "I never really loved you, you know. And I certainly couldn’t now." He turned away, shoulders heaving, to discover Aeryn scowling at him and holding up the Vader mask. "At least with this on you were upfront about what you'd become," she hissed. "Monster." She walked towards him, Molly and Alanna flanking her. "So we've decided to put you back into it."
Anakin woke up screaming, shaking and covered with sweat, with his hands up over his cheeks.
There is no passion, there is serenity…
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge…
He breathed in and out, stretching into the all-encompassing, all-powerful, all-forgiving Force and tried to remember what it had been like to be calm.
Snatches of old conversations, flashes of nightmarish memories…he pushed them all aside. Obi-Wan at his most schoolmarmish echoed in his head, “Wallowing does no good, Anakin. Learn from it, then let go.”
It was a lesson he still hadn’t managed to figure out decades later.
There is no emotion, there is peace…
There is no death, there is the Force…
Fighting back the fear, Anakin reached out towards the pulsing hive of emotions that made up the lives of those in Fandom, pausing momentarily to check in on a few people. He focused on his breathing, on the image of the Preserve, and finally dropped off into a restless sleep.
That was a mistake.
He was back in the Temple, the footsteps of Vader's Fist echoing behind him in perfect cloned rhythm as he stalked towards the Archives. The lightsaber in his hand sliced down anyone who dared to cross his path as he ignored their shouts of fear and betrayal…
On the bed, Anakin whimpered and thrashed under the sheets. He knew what was coming next.
...and then he was in the shadows of the Council chamber and Liam was asking him what the younglings were supposed to do. His lightsaber struck the Padawan down—and then all of the others—like so many pawns on a board.
But they weren't pawns.
They were younglings.
He had committed an unspeakable atrocity.
And was only warming up.
Anakin moaned aloud and turned over.
He was on Mustafar doing his best to kill Obi-Wan…he was on a Star Destroyer with his face hidden, mechanical breath harsh in his ears…he was holding his daughter by the shoulder as her world literally blew apart…he was on Toprawa ordering the extermination of everything resembling civilization…he was holding out his hand as Padmé struggled vainly to breathe…he was watching the mask come down over his face, enclosing him, claustrophobically and forever, behind metal.
And then it wasn't just memories plaguing him.
Luke's face was hard as he held the glowing green blade up to Anakin's neck. "Fulfill your destiny," the Emperor hissed, and Luke nodded and swung the lightsaber…and then Anakin was standing in front of the tree he had carved a lifetime ago as Rory stalked away from him, snapping over her shoulder, "I never really loved you, you know. And I certainly couldn’t now." He turned away, shoulders heaving, to discover Aeryn scowling at him and holding up the Vader mask. "At least with this on you were upfront about what you'd become," she hissed. "Monster." She walked towards him, Molly and Alanna flanking her. "So we've decided to put you back into it."
Anakin woke up screaming, shaking and covered with sweat, with his hands up over his cheeks.
no subject
Thursday put a finger to her lips, then silently listened for further signs of trouble, but finding none she calmed. She crouched down and smoothed Friday's hair out from its usual crazy style that was only exacerbated by sleep. "Back to bed, darling," she whispered. He looked up at her and she nodded her assurance as she picked him up.
Once he was dozing, Thursday started back to her room, pausing momentarily to eye Anakin's door with a slight frown.