sith_happened | Office hours [all day]

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Office hours [all day]

Anakin opened his office door.

And stared.

Someone had redecorated.

Anakin stomped around the office examining streamers on the ceiling and paint on the wall, then the glitter-bestrewned Farrah Fawcett poster, and finally flounced over to sit in his chair.

With its pink boa.

He waved a hand and started up his little galaxy of stars, then picked up a pen that had been decorated with feathers--all of his pens had been decorated with feathers, what the hell?--and hoped no one visited today.

Though that didn't seem very likely.

[OOC: Door's closed, post is open!]

I Am What I Am - John Barrowman

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"It won't," Anakin said, meeting John's eyes, "and that's because it's not really true, is it? All actions have consquences, and even if you couldn't stop these from happening, you have to learn to live with the fallout."

"Yeah," John said, nodding. "And that's what I'm trying to do."

"Long nights staring at nothing, and longer days forgetting to eat," Anakin offered. "I'm there with you."

"I'm sure I'll live," John said blankly.

"Fandom's the best place in the universe for a second chance," Anakin said slowly, swallowing hard. "And you deserve it more than I do."

"I think I hurt Aeryn," John said. "A lot more than she's letting on."

Anakin nodded, then walked over to John and put a hand on his shoulder. "She won't ever admit it," he said quietly, "but yes, you did."

Anakin closed his eyes. "And that's the guilt--that look in her eyes when you crossed that line--that will keep you up at night. At least you can apologize, even if she'll tell you it's not necessary."

John frowned and bowed his head. "Guess so. Maybe."

Anakin nudged his shoulder against John's. "I'm sorry," he said. "I wish I had more useful things to tell you."

"I know," John said, nodding. "I know you do. Listening is better than be punching walls. I'm not allowed to do that anymore."

"I'd wondered about that," Anakin said. "Yeah, don't do that." He gave him a rueful smile. "If you ever want to get drunk and maudlin, though, I'm your man."

"I'll probably take you up on that," John said. "I'm good at that when I want to be. Anakin..." He trailed off. "I'm sorry about Rory, that you had to find her like that. I know it was bad, I could see him doing it. So, I'm sorry."

Anakin looked stricken. "Yeah," he said hollowly. "Let's make a deal. You never do anything to hurt her again and I won't have to beat you bloody."

"She's one of my best friends," John said quietly. "And I'd rather kill myself than hurt her. I tried to stop it when he was in control. But, you have a deal."

Anakin rubbed at his eyes. "Top ten scariest moments of my life," he said. "Easily."

"I'm sorry," John said, putting one hand on Anakin's shoulder and looking him in the eyes.

Every muscle in Anakin's body had tensed. "It reminded me of how Padmé had died," he whispered, hunching in on himself. "But that had been my fault."

"God, I'm sorry," John said again, quieter. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"It was a long time ago," Anakin whispered hoarsely. "I don't really remember it."

Huge lie. HUGE.

"Except I think you do," John said gently, tightening his hold on Anakin's shoulder. "And I bet it still hurts."

Anakin finally looked at John, eyes shiny with unshed tears. "It was the worst day of my life. Always will be."

"Yeah," John says, putting his other hand on Anakin's other shoulder. "Stays right in the heart, doesn't it? Makes you feel cold and empty? Yeah, I know that feeling."

"Then I'm sorry, too," Anakin said. "Because you shouldn't know this kind of pain this early. I got a reprieve until I was 20."

"I'm learning to live with it," he answered, shrugging. "I've got good people around to help."

"I don't know if I count as good people any more," Anakin said, sounding almost shy, "but I'm certainly around to help."

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