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[sith_happened]

The Emperor had woken Vader up before dawn.

Again.

And demanded he come back to check on the Death's Star's progress.

Again.

Which meant Vader would be spending days stuffed into his TIE fighter and flying out to Endor.

Again.

So he was in a pissy mood.

Again.

[OOC: Door's closed, post's open! Contents of conversation with Rory and Aeryn are NFB! Void where prohibited, sales tax applicable in Washington State...]

The Undeveloped Story - Anberlin

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[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

Rory rolled her eyes. Yes, we, you dumbass.

[sith_happened]

Force, it was tempting. To just let go, to try to return to the way he used to be.

Vader looked into Rory's eyes and remembered what it had been like when they had been together all those years ago: it had been complicated, and dizzying...and perfect.

He closed his eyes. The brown eyes that haunted his sleeping hours--he knew only too well what Rory had been talking about--were there again, reminding him why he could never turn back.

There was no way he could be forgiven for killing his wife. It was pointless to pretend.

He shook his head and whispered "no."

It was easily one of the most painful moments of his life.

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

"Mm. Why?" she asked softly.

[sith_happened]

Vader was silent for a long, long time as he stared into his lap, lost in painful memories.

"Because some things are unforgivable," he said finally.

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

"Not to everyone," she said gently.

[sith_happened]

"To everyone," Vader replied flatly. "You can't just wish away what I've done for the last 18 years."

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

"I can get over it," Rory said quietly. "I won't forget, and I'm not saying it's a band-aid solution. I'm saying that not everyone will refuse to forgive you. Unless you're not counting me among 'everyone.'"

[sith_happened]

"You wouldn't say that if you knew everything," Vader said, still staring into his lap.

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

She raised her eyebrows. "I have a pretty clear picture," she said softly. "Anakin, I'm not stupid. I know about a lot of the atrocities and I've inferred others. I'm still saying it."

[sith_happened]

"I killed the younglings," he murmured after an awkward silence, fully expecting her to leave.

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

"The little ones?" she asked, her eyes wide.

She almost did leave, and as it was, her stomach turned.

"Well, yes, if you killed all the Jedi, they'd have to go, too. But the fact that you just brought that up as something you view as unforgivable tells me how guilty you feel."

[sith_happened]

Vader hunched his shoulders, suddenly looking much smaller than he was. "It is unforgivable," he said. "Obi-Wan certainly thought so."

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

"I doubt that," she said softly.

[sith_happened]

Vader shook his head stubbornly. "That's why he came after me. He wouldn't even listen to reason."

Like there was a reason to kill younglings.

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

"You mean when it happened? Anakin, wasn't it his job?"

[sith_happened]

"He never even asked why," Vader said, lost in eighteen years of pain and self-pity.

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

"It was an emergency situation," she said reasonably.

[sith_happened]

"I was his best friend!" Vader railed. "I could've made him understand."

No, he really couldn't have.

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

"I don't think he thought he had time to reason things out like that," she said carefully.

[sith_happened]

"He gave Quinlan Vos that kind of time," Vader said more than a bit unreasonably. "He gave Asajj Ventress that kind of time. But nooooooo, I wasn't worth it."

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

"You were killing all the Jedi."

[sith_happened]

"Had killed," Vader corrected. "He wasn't supposed to be alive."

His hands tapped out a nervous tattoo on the table. "Palpatine's clones were ordered to kill him while we was off taking care of General Grievious."

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

"So really, you were the one who broke that friendship first," she said.

[sith_happened]

"I didn't know that Palpatine had an ambush planned!" Anakin said. "It was the Council's fault for breaking up the team. If I had been allowed to go with Obi-Wan, none of this would have happened."

He really believed that, too.

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

Rory really, really didn't believe that. "Why weren't you allowed to go with him?"